Fat Friend? For Who?

I recently read a thread on Twitter about the struggles of being the fat friend. Every part of the thread I read was so familiar because I lived that life. Constantly in the background because you have smaller and light skinned friends who get all of the attention. It really got me thinking about how this can really affect a chubby girl. It could possibly make you or break you. For some time, it broke me and made me overcompensate who I was so I could be noticed. No lie, parts of it still affects me.

As I’m writing this blog post, I can feel the emotions and tears building up because this was such a sensitive issue for me for the longest time. I am so passionate about topics like these because no matter what size you are, no matter your complexion or race, YOU ARE VALID! I remember feeling like nothing and crying at home because of the constant reminder that I wasn’t like my skinnier or light skinned friends. I was the dark joker friend. But I didn’t want to be that person. I was not the person they saw. I was so much more.

For a high school kid, being noticed by the guys was a major part of life. It’s either you were one of the queens or ‘a follower’. Coming from a family that already played its part in my insecurities, I was hoping maybe high school would be different for me. Now understand, I’ve always liked attention and I’ve always wanted to be a leader and achieve things, since primary school. I worked hard to become someone, and I did. But there was always this void that I thought I needed to fill in order to feel complete. What about my heart and how I felt about myself?

Throughout high school I encountered incidents where I was the fat friend or the dark skinned one. I just thank God it never got to the point where I felt like I needed to bleach my skin somehow, starve myself or have an eating disorder. Somehow I managed through and fought as hard as I could not to break. I wanted to feel somewhat normal and feel like my weight wasn’t a hindrance, especially when it came to boys. But that was not easy.

The dating scene was very tricky for me. I had been a saint and the idea of boys disgusted me. Naturally so. From about 15 I started to break loose from that and actually find an interest in boys. It never really turned out right. I remember liking a few guys, showing my interest (oh I have been shooting my shots since I was a kid) but they would either like my friends or I would be told to wait until the next term so we can date 🤦🏾‍♀️🤦🏾‍♀️.

I got dribbled and curved, left, right and centre. I just wasn’t the ‘right’ target market for them I guess. It hurt me even though I did manage to date, it felt like I was always the second choice.

What’s life like for me now? It started to change in university where the dating pool grew and I was no longer the fat friend. I was Delyse. My weight did not define me. But coming back to Zim seemed to bring back the insecurities because clicks were somewhat still the same and people maintained high school mindsets. They noticed the smaller and lighter friends and I was funny Delyse again. This time though I had full control.
I was too grown to think of myself as the fat one. From then onwards till now I don’t take nonsense from people who think I’m less of a person because of how I look. *P.S- I’m still silly though😄😄

Honestly, I am a beautiful dark chocolate woman who does not let something insignificant like my size affect me. I am more than my body. I am intelligent, I’m good at what I do, creative, funny, loving, special and a CATCH. Those who don’t see it can just fight with their ancestors!! My energy is contagious and I attract good vibes only. I don’t need validation from anyone about my looks. When you know who you are, you will be very outspoken about who you are. Still keeping it humble and classy though 😏. I am not afraid to say, “Yes, I am gorgeous, my body is banging and I’m killing it.” This goes back to my very first blog post where I mentioned how I know that I’m a shnack. The love I have for myself will not be watered down. I’m not just that other friend! I am no extra in anyone else’s life!

I still have a major issue with people particularly men who do not respect women because of their looks. Like you don’t rate me because I have more cushion on me than someone you fancy or someone who is acceptable in society’s eyes?? How does that make sense?! Ok, you may not find me attractive or whatever but I’m still human. I’m a person. How people can be so surface based says a lot about their character too. Don’t ever think you are the problem when someone disrespects you because of their ignorance. If they do anything that affects your peace, stand up for yourself and show your strength. If your weight bothers them, let that be more encouragement to you because you’re doing something right, you are living your truth and living confidently. Let it be their problem! Remember YOU ARE VALID!

A time when I felt like I was the fat, dark friend in high school

Fat friend no more